I just saw a hot homeless man
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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