Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
