Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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