i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
