I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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