I must be too annoying 4 u.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
