I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Randomize
