Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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