whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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