How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
