Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
