Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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