i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
