Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
