well you can't waste a boner
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
