You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
