WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
