How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
