my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
