carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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