dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wear drunk well.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
