Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
