I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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