He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
