why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
