And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
