I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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