so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
