Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
