Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
