I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
