Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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