Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
