Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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