The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
