Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
