be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
