Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
