just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
