Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
