I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
