i permit you to call me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's just like the Real World with babies
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
