oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
