Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
