i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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