Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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