dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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