you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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