I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
