It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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